‘Foleygate’ Echoes Priest-Abuse Scandal ‘Foleygate’ Echoes Priest-Abuse Scandal
A Dart Center Q&A with Joy Silberg
by Kristen Lombardi
It didn’t take long for the parallels to emerge. Last Friday, Florida congressman Mark Foley resigned after the emergence of inappropriate emails to teenage House pages. The next day, the Republican congressional leadership admitted it had heard the congressman was doing wrong by a minor, yet did nothing.
What happened on Capitol Hill has so mirrored what happened in Catholic dioceses across the country that it is surreal. All week long, House leaders, just like the cardinals and bishops, have scrambled to defend their apparent disregard for Foley’s targets, all high-school boys. All week long, Foley, like the pedophile priests, has emerged as the “nice guy” whom people trusted yet who harbors a darker side—the stereotypical predator. I spoke with child psychologist Joyanna Silberg, of the Leadership Counsel on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence, to dissect the two scandals’ parallels, among other things ...
Q: Why do people in authority always seem so eager to look the other way?
Joyanna Silberg: It isn’t just leaders who want to look away. We put a special burden on them as people in authority to act, but all of us are in a state of denial and the reason for that is complex. Part of it has to do with the concept of sexuality and children, which makes people uncomfortable. Many were approached sexually as kids and have shame about it. Some don’t want to face it because of their own attraction toward young people. Bringing something like this to the forefront means shaking loose the power structures. With the priest-abuse scandal, the structures were so entrenched, and the same goes for politics. It takes a lot to rock the boat, so if you can convince yourself this is just friendly chit-chat, denial gives you many rationalizations. ‘Well, he was just being friendly and he likes to talk to young boys and he wants to facilitate their careers.’
Q: I was struck by descriptions of Foley as such a nice guy—just like the abusive priests.
Joyanna Silberg: That’s a known modus operandi of child molesters. In situations where a child feels powerless and ignored, a powerful person says, ‘You’re not going to be ignored. In fact, you’re so special you’re the most special person.’ Pair that with asking for sexual favors, and it’s difficult for a child to refuse. The powerful person takes advantage of the child’s powerlessness.
Q: House leaders say they didn’t investigate Foley because the first emails seemed like “friendly chit-chat.” Do these early emails indicate abuse?
Joyanna Silberg: A person in power writing a friendly email to a teen is not abuse. What crosses the line is the congressman’s request for a picture. It’s something that suggests to a child that his body is what matters more than anything else. And when an email or friendly chit-chat goes into the realm of interpersonal feeling—like ‘How do you feel about me?’—it crosses a line. If you say, ‘I think you’re just about the most brilliant boy I’ve ever met,’ that misplaced flattery crosses the line. Kids tell me they have sensed when an adult does this. They sense an interest beyond what they’d expect, which is probably why the 16-year-old page felt “freaked out” by Foley’s emails.
Q: Foley’s attorney says his client never touched a teen page. Does this matter?
Joyanna Silberg: There are electronic forms of abuse that are horribly exploitative, what with Web cameras and children being forced to make their bodies into objects for others’ pleasure. That there is no body-to-body contact is not important. The emails back-and-forth would be a lower level of exploitation than Web cams. Here, the child hasn’t had to actually make his body into an object for someone’s sexual pleasure. He hasn’t had to actively participate except through answering emails. It’s less invasive.
Q: How could this be damaging?
Joyanna Silberg: It’s a major betrayal of trust. Someone who you think is interested in you because you’re clever and you have political aspirations is actually interested in you because your body is something they want, and that is devastating. You begin to wonder about your own self-worth. ‘What am I? Simply a tool for somebody else’s pleasure?’ That is what destroys a person’s trust in authority. Even the back-and-forth emails have an impact. Also, just as with the priest scandal, there is this loss of faith. It’s not the same loss of faith in God or the church, but our political institutions are something we value. Often, kids who are interested in politics believe in government—good government. To have that betrayed leaves you with a sense of demoralization.
Q: How do you see the news that Foley may have been molested by a priest?
Joyanna Silberg: If, in fact, Foley was abused by a priest, there was a way to break the cycle. Take a group of people who were abused as children, and you’ll find only 20 percent will go on to abuse. Take a group of abusers, and you’ll find a huge majority—like 79 percent—were abused as children. So the way to become an abuser is likely by being abused, but having been abused doesn’t make you an abuser.
Q: When you first heard about Foley did you think he might have been abused?
Joyanna Silberg: Absolutely. Here is he doing all these programs for missing and exploited children and passing all these sex offender laws—if there was anyone who should have known the effects of abuse on victims, it would be him; if there was anyone who should have known the importance of getting treatment for sexual impulses, it would be him. Yet he didn’t. That disconnect is classic. He’s acting out in a covert way what he hasn’t been able to integrate into his consciousness.
Q: Two papers knew about Foley, yet didn’t cover the story because a page wouldn’t go on record. Why are victims reluctant to go public?
Joyanna Silberg: There is a strong sense of shame, of something being wrong with them. Plus, you’re talking about someone who was a congressman with huge political power. Do you want to draw a big target around your chest saying, ‘Come after me,’ when you’re a student trying to get into college? You want the congressman to be against you? Everybody thinks he’s the greatest guy. You know he’ll have allies saying you’re a liar and a 16-year-old nobody trying to get attention.
Q: So far there haven’t been many Foley targets to come forward. Why?
Joyanna Silberg: I saw two boys on CNN. One talked about how he was invited over to Foley’s house for beer and how he had sexually explicit things said to him. But when he was asked why he didn’t do anything, he said, ‘Foley was a congressman and I was a 16-year-old kid. Who would I tell? And why would I want to jeopardize my political aspirations?’ For young men with political aspirations, this is probably not the way they want to make their splash in the media. They also don’t see themselves as victims. This kid didn’t see himself as a victim because he put a limit on Foley’s advances. In time, maybe we’ll hear from people who feel differently.
http://www.dartcenter.org/articles/special_features/lombardi_silberg_foley.html
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