Help available for victims of domestic abuse in Pennsylvania
Help available for victims of domestic abuse By Denise Bonura The Record Herald Nearly 5.3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States, and 1,300 women are killed each year by abusive partners. Women in Need (WIN) Victim Services in Chambersburg helps women understand the warning signs associated with abusive behavior and teaches family and friends how to support loved ones who are dealing with abuse. “These are crimes of possession or ownership - not of passion,” said Stacy McCole, education coordinator at WIN. Warning signs McCole said there are a number of warning signs. “It goes deeper than physical abuse,” she said. “There is a lot of verbal and emotional abuse that comes into play.” She said the relationship may appear normal and healthy, but abusers usually show signs of jealousy and manipulation. The abuser degrades his partner, who is “never good enough.” McCole said the abuser usually puts on two faces - a private and a public face - to fool the victim's friends and family so they won't believe her when she tries to reach out for help. She said controlling behavior is another red flag. “It's about power and control to them (the abuser),” she said. Not the victim's fault McCole said it is important for victims to know it is not their fault. She said once the abuse starts, the victim starts to believe every bad thing their partner says about them and wants to change to conform to the abuser's standards, which only continue to change, too. “Those standards continue to change so she doesn't know what she is striving for,” McCole said. “That's when violence comes into the picture.” McCole said people begin to ask why the woman doesn't just leave. “That's an easy question to ask, but why don't they ask ‘why does he hit?'” Family support Although family members and friends may get frustrated with an abuse victim, it is very important that they stick by her no matter what, according to McCole. It is even more important that they do not attack the abuser because the victim will “close off and become defensive.” The victim often fears for her life and worries the violence will escalate if she does leave her partner. “That fear is very real to victims,” she said. “As difficult as it may be for them (the family/friends) to understand, they must provide words of encouragement (to the victim),” she said. Some motivation can include “I care about you”, “I know you can do better than this” or “You deserve happiness.” Returning to abuse McCole said statistically, it is very common for a victim to leave her abuser but then take him back. “It may take seven to nine times before she leaves him for good,” she said. “They love their partner, but not the violence.” She said the abuser will promise never to hurt them again and will coerce the victim to try the relationship again. The victim is also likely to enter another abusive relationship. Some, however, regain their confidence and enter normal and healthy relationships. McCole said it is definitely a struggle for victims to finally leave. She said planning is an important part of leaving. “It can be scary to leave, to enter that unknown,” she said. “That is why accessing help can be difficult.” Keeping keys, money and a cell phone in an easily-accessible place can help if the victim needs to leave in a hurry, she said. WIN services There are a number of people who can help victims in the Franklin and Fulton county areas, and they are just a phone call away. McCole said 22 full-time and part-time staffers and 21 active WIN volunteers assisted in 1,300 domestic violence incidents in the 2004-2005 fiscal year. The private, non-profit agency offers counseling, a temporary shelter for women and children, legal services to help victims obtain Protection from Abuse (PFA) orders against their mates and a 24-hour hotline. Victims of sexual assault can also turn to WIN for assistance with these services, including rape kits and a sexual assault response team to help ease the trauma of the situation. Victims can stay at the shelter up to 30 days, although McCole said those who use the service usually only stay there for two weeks. A victim can also meet with WIN's legal consultants to determine if a PFA is necessary. McCole said consultants ask a series of questions regarding the relationship's history and justification for a PFA. The paperwork is then filed by their attorney in the Franklin County Courthouse. McCole said the services are free, but victims can also choose to go to a private attorney to handle a PFA. Public speaking McCole meets with various groups to discuss abusive relationships and what to look for. She said she meets with children of all ages at schools to educate them about healthy and unhealthy relationships. “We tailor the presentation depending on the age group,” she said. A program entitled “My Body Belongs to Me” is presented to children between ages 3 and 5. This is a puppet show that teaches children if someone is hurting them, whether a bully or someone inappropriately touching them, they need to tell a trusted adult, such as a parent or teacher. McCole also said she talks to high school teenagers in their health classes about the specifics of healthy relationships and what to do if they see the red flags. She also said she speaks to different church and community groups and “anyone who wants to listen.” Volunteering McCole said applications for volunteers are currently being accepted. An extensive 16-session training program will begin Sept. 13. She said sessions will be held every Monday and Wednesday evening until November to teach volunteers everything they need to know about the agency and how to help victims. A part of the training teaches interested people the dynamics and history of domestic violence and goes over role-playing situations. “There are people from different backgrounds and different walks of life here, but we're all passionate about the same thing,” McCole said. “We want victims to know that there is help out there.” For more information on volunteering, call the office at 264-3056 and ask for a volunteer coordinator. To receive help, call (717) 264-4444 or 1-800-621-6660 http://www.therecordherald.com/articles/2006/08/05/local_news/previous%20news/news02.txt