Thursday, April 29, 2004 Ouch! ¶ 11:42 PM Well, I have been busy. The weekend before last I was in Ft. Lauderdale Florida visiting my "Doctor Friend" (as my family calls him) who was there taking a class toward his second doctorate. It was just a short trip, mostly to visit, and sort of a mini-vacation. I tried to make a dive trip out of it, but the ocean was too choppy and I was completely exhausted before I even got past the surf, much less out to the reef. It was still fun though. Then, just last weekend I had my "Retired-Teacher Friend" from Concord California visiting for the weekend. I'm not sure if he enjoyed his visit, he doesn't care for cats very much and I have two. We drove down to Minneapolis and saw the Mall of America and rode some of the rides. That was fun. Spring semester is quickly coming to an end. This summer I am taking Chemistry 122 with the associated Lab, so I'll have to cut back my work hours to just 35 a week and that is a stretch. Today I had a dental appointment. It seems the composite filling I had put in last September cracked, so they replaced it for no charge. Other than that it seems my teeth are in good shape. Oh, I almost forgot; while I was in Florida I injured my toe trying to play basketball with a black kid (I let him win). I knew I was going to loose the nail, but I guess I didn't want to wait for it to come off so when I got home a few days later I stubbed it on the stairs coming into my apartment and ripped it off (yes, ouch!). It didn't come all the way off, so I went to the hospital the next day and they took it the rest of the way off and gave me a prescription for penicillin (it was a little infected). It feels a lot better now, but looks terrible! Posted by: Joe

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 Success and Failure ¶ 11:41 AM The odds of success without failure are miniscule. If you want to succeed, you must be ready to fail, repeatedly. If not, then you will never truly succeed. So many people--most people--spend so much of there energy trying not to fail, that they have no energy left for success. Even if they knew what success was, which they don't because they never learn from failing, they just don't have the time, money, or energy to make it happen. Success is really easier, as most successfull people will tell you. All you have to do is let yourself fail, and learn, then try again. I used to use the following to sign my emails: try { succeed(); } catch(E) { tryAgain(); } That's programming logic for "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Posted by: Joe

Thursday, April 15, 2004 Another Unwanted Visit From The Police. ¶ 11:58 PM I just had another unwanted visit from the city police. This time it was officer Martin doing an address confirmation because I am a registered sex offender. Officer Martin was very professional and polite, but having a police car in your driveway when you get home from work is not a pleasant experience. I asked him to provide documentation for the authority of his visit. He showed me a memo from one Sgt. Pallas, ordering him to do the check. I intend to contact Sgt. Pallas to express my feelings about being harassed in this manor. Posted by: Joe

Monday, April 12, 2004 There Is No God, Or Is There? ¶ 6:50 AM If God is all knowing, then he must know the outcome of all things. If God knows the outcome of all things then the outcome must be fixed, because if it was not then it could not be known, not even by God. If the outcome of all things can not be changed, then our existence is pointless. No matter what we do we can not change the outcome. Any choices we make must be fixed (unchangeable) also. If our choices could change, then the outcome must change, but it can not. I suspect most won't be able to follow this line of reasoning because of their "fuzzy" way of looking at things. But if you can follow this line of reasoning, don't stop here, or you will be in danger of assuming that there is no God. But, there is. How can God exist in the face of such a glaring contradiction to the definition of His Existence? How can we have choice that does not conflict with God's choice? How can we change a knowable outcome? The answer is really quite simple; God is not confined like we are by time and space. He is here, now, typing this blog entry, and he is on the cross, right now, dying for our sins. He is not limited, he is you and he is me. Yes, you are God. Not "a" god, but "The" one and only God! . So, now a knowable outcome does not contradict your ability to choose. Your choices are yours, and they have all already been made, by you, because you are God. Jesus was only one man who tried to tell us this, but because the message is so contradictory to "common sense" (the fuzzy stuff we so often overly depend on) we fail to see past our own world. We fail to see past our limitations, and we errornously try to interpret the message in a "worldly" context. But, if you risk thinking for yourself, you won't need me, or Christ Himself, or anyone else to tell you the way. The path is no mystery to those who can see it with their own eyes. Posted by: Joe

Tuesday, April 06, 2004 Thinking For Yourself (No, You're Not) ¶ 8:38 PM Today, after my Stat 368 class, I walked past a young college aged man in a wheelchair. His legs were spasmming and he stopped rolling so he could grab his legs to try to stop them from acting up, he ended up leaning over and hugging both his legs desperately to try to make the spasms go away. I'd seen many handicapped people before and have always respected their plight, but this time it struck me different. I felt guilty for speaking out against being wronged by society, when this young man had been wronged by life itself. For a moment I seriously considered abandoning this Blog and the fifthnail message, and doing something to help people like him. But, instead I thought there is not much I can do for him, his struggle is his, and mine is mine. While I will take my struggle over his any day, I can only consider myself fortunate that I am just labeled a sex offender, instead of physically handicapped. I'll take the label any day. But, that does not mean I accept being labeled, it is just that I recognize there are far worse fates. I guess I am just realizing that my struggle has a context, and I must keep that in mind when trying to get others to listen to me. And again, its not the label that bothers me as much as the fact that the process of labeling sex offenders is causing more and more innocent people to get raped and assaulted and even killed. When I think about that I get angry again and feel my message is not a personal one. It is for everyone. That is why I often have referred to "us" when speaking about society. Labeling sex offenders doesn't hurt the sex offenders anywhere near as much as it hurts their victims. Because it does nothing to deter the problem, it only further supports it. We must see this. We must see that as a society we are supporting a cesspool that is breeding violent criminal sexual behavior. The "sex offenders" are just acting out what they have learned from us. I know, because when I was sixteen I was acting out what I had learned, nothing more. I was, and am, very fortunate to recognize this. And as I've mentioned before in this blog, I have lived as intimately as you never want to other extremely dangerous sex criminals (and non-sex criminals). I have seen in them what they themselves did not see, that they are products of society. It's an old song, but a true and desperate one, I think intentionally drowned out by certain organizations that use the system for profit and power. I always try not to go into that spiel, because much has already been written about it. So if your interested in knowing what you can do to reduce crime in America, to reduce suffering, and increase freedom, then type "anti-government" into your favorite search engine and take the first step toward truthfully thinking for yourself. Posted by: Joe

Monday, April 05, 2004 Known Facts About Sex Offenders ¶ 3:50 PM Yesterday a friend told me that I was an exception to the rule when it comes to his "experience with sex offenders." He meant it as a complimentary comment, implying that most sex offenders only think about re-offending. It was not the first time I have been offended by comments that were meant well. The truth is that I am not an exception, I am the rule! Most sex offenders are just like me, not at all concerned about re-offending since the idea is not even in the realm of possibilities to them. They are hard working responsible law abiding citizens, and in fact on average slightly better adjusted than the average working class person. These are facts backed by numerous statistics, and yet most people are like my friend and believe that most sex offenders are deviants with only one thing on their mind. Even our city's police web site tries to straighten out this "myth" but to little avail since most people's "experience" with sex offenders seldom goes beyond the front page of the local paper. "Sex Offenders" (though I only refer to myself here as a "sex offender" for convenience though I have explained before I do not consider myself a "sex offender" because I committed a sex crime any more than I consider myself a "breast feeder" because my mother fed me her milk when I was a baby) like me don't make it in the head lines because nobody wants to read about a sex offender who is going to school, working two jobs, and volunteering in the community, and staying as far away from trouble as possible. That just wouldn't sell papers, but fact is most sex offenders are doing exactly that! Go figure. Posted by: Joe

Monday, March 29, 2004 A Contradiction ¶ 7:07 AM My grandfather was a Shriner. My mother has a gold Shriners ring that belonged to him. She offered it to me once, but I did not accept it because I couldn't wear it since I was not a Shriner, so I didn't know what I would do with it. I would like to become a Shriner so I can proudly wear my grandfathers ring. Yesterday I was invited to join the Free Masons (the first step to becoming a Shriner) by three Shriners at a friends house. So the door is open, but I can't go through. Why? Because I am required to register as a sex offender and every once and a while the local newspaper uses my name to sell copies to people who like to read about sex offenders. That means that before I accept the offer to become a Free Mason I would have to disclose the mistake I made when I was 16 years old. If I do disclose this then the offer will surely be withdrawn especially considering the bad publicity recently about the Salvation Army Officials "harboring" sex offenders. I'm sure the Free Masons would not put themselves in the position to bear the same accusations. If I don't tell them, that would be even worse, because no doubt the news would eventually come out and havoc would be wrought. So, I have no choice, but to not accept their offer, and not wear my grandfathers ring, and not join an organization that could certainly help me grow and mature as a person. This is just another example of how the registration laws contradict their own stated intent. Posted by: Joe

Friday, March 26, 2004 Home Intruder! ¶ 7:41 AM I had a few interesting events in my life this Wednesday night. First, on the way home from work I saw three police cars chasing a blue sedan just one block away from my house. The next day in the paper I saw that they were chasing a reckless driver, big news for these parts. My neighbor invited me out for dinner, and we had an enjoyable meal, and when we got home I invited her to my place for a quick drink. I was showing her my new stock of greeting cards when I received a news alert on my cell phone. There had been an abduction attempt within blocks of where I live and the police where looking for a suspect. My neighbor knows about my status as a level three sex offender, and also knows well my fear of someday being arrested for something I didn't do. So, we set up my laptop on the dinning room table so we could go to the news web site and get more details on the breaking story. While we were in my dinning room checking out the web site, she heard a noise in the kitchen and looked in there and said, "Who are you?" I asked, "Who are you talking to?" She said, "There's someone in your kitchen!" I got up to look and sure enough there was some strange man I'd never seen before standing in the middle of my kitchen with the lights off! I said, "Who the hell are you...what are you doing in my apartment?!" He said, "Uh, ...I don't know..." Well, I'm not sure exactly what happened next, but about 15 seconds later I had him pinned to the floor with his arm locked and twisted behind his back and was telling my neighbor to call the police. While she was talking to the 911 operator I asked him again what he was doing in my apartment, and he again insisted he did not know. I asked him his name and he said, "Connor." He also kept apologizing, and he did not fight me even though I knew I was hurting his arm. I was starting to think maybe he was mentally retarded, and I thought about letting him up but decided to wait until the police got there and let them figure it out. I assured him that I knew he was sorry, and so was I for hurting him, but I felt I had no choice since I did not know who he was or why he was in my apartment. The police arrived pretty quick, I was actually impressed. When I heard them coming through the back door I told him I was going to let him up, but the police heard me and yelled, "No, don't let him up!" They came in on both sides of me, one put his hand on the guys back to hold him down, the other, a woman, grabbed his arm, the one I had twisted, then they tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Ok, you can get up, but just you." I let go and backed away, there were three police in my kitchen. Two of them put handcuffs on the guy on the floor then rolled him over and one officer recognized him and said, "O'Connor! What are you doing in here?" Well, as it turned out the man was a known drunk and was in fact drunk off his ass. I felt bad when I found out, because in the process of taking him to the floor I bloodied him up a little (He's gonna have one hell of a black eye). If I'd realized he was drunk I would have probably just offered to walk him home (while I had him on the floor I asked him his address and he knew what it was, he just didn't know where he was.) That was quite an adventure. The cop in charge was the same cop who came up to my apartment two years ago to confirm my registration address. Back then I invited him in and we sat in my living room and talked a bit. That was in my old apartment though, and I don't think he recognized me in this incident. I wonder if he would have treated me differently if he did. As he was taking Connor outside he and the woman officer both assure me that I handled the situation correctly and that they would have done the same thing. The woman officer was one of the cops who came to my door last summer (again at my old apartment) accusing me of harassing women downtown (a different story, but essentially; some women downtown had a picture of me from the police web site and said I was harassing them for a date, but I knew nothing about them or even who they were). I don't know if she recognized me or not, she was not the primary officer, then and now, so she said very little. I felt the situation ended happily for everyone. I, of course, did not want to press charges, so they just took him to detox, where he would be safe until he sobered up. My neighbor and I were a little shook up, so she stayed a bit and we watched TV, then I walked her to her door and we said good night. Posted by: Joe

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 Salvation Army Worry's More About It's Own Salvation! ¶ 6:56 AM An Article in my local paper today attacked two salvation army majors who helped two sex offenders who moved to this area. They were expelled from the salvation army because of it. The propoganda against Sex Offenders is getting worse, soon there will be seperate restrooms and drinking fountains for us. I'm not joking, just watch the news! Posted by: Joe

Sunday, March 21, 2004 Google Is Censored! ¶ 1:27 PM So, I waited a couple of months to see if Google re-listed this site, and they did not so I sent them another e-mail to inquire why. After a week they answered back saying the fifthnail is listed, so I searched on "fifthnail blog" and sure enough, there is was, but I still have a page rank of zero, and if I search on terms I know the page refers to frequently, like "fifthnail sex offender" I still get no hits. The only conclusion is that Google has banned this site, and worse yet, is trying to cover it up by listing it only on very explicit and impractical terminology, an obvious ploy. Hmmm. Posted by: Joe ¶ 1:10 PM No, I have not stopped updating this blog. I've just been very busy with the move and all, I really should place a higher priority on making daily entries to this blog even though no one ever reads it, it is still a valuable check and balance for my daily activities for when the day comes when I am accused of some crime I did not do. I know it will come, it is just a matter of time. I have already been suspect in at least a few that I know of, and directly accused of at least one (where I was accused of harrasing women for a date in an area of town I've never been, they had a picture of me from the Internet and said it was me who was harrasing them, the police showed up at my door and told me that they "were watching" me.) So, I'm all moved and loving my new place. Copper started peeing again after a week, but at least it has only been in the bedroom where I have a tarp on the floor for just such behavior. I've started working on my "cat zapper" that I hope will curb his behavior. He peed today and I caught him in the act and whapped him good. I feel bad about doing it because I'm not sure he understands why I hit him, and now he has been acting afraid of me all day. I realy don't like knowing another creature is afraid of me because of something I did. It ties, I'm sure, to not liking the fact that people are afraid of me, even though I know I will never commit another crime. Oh well. Posted by: Joe

Sunday, March 14, 2004 All Moved In ¶ 9:13 PM I'm all moved in downstairs. Now starts a week of cleaning the old apartment (after two weeks of moving). I really like the extra space, I have so much now, my stuff can finally breath. The only furnature I had to buy was a used dining room table with 6 chairs. It was an old wood table, but in excellent shape, no scratches and clean apholstery. Older furniture seems to suit the new place, as does less modern art. Posted by: Joe

Tuesday, March 09, 2004 If You Say I Am Free, But Only By Your Definition; Am I? ¶ 8:14 AM When I hear people say, "Sure, America has its problems, but it's the best there is." I get angry because to me it is the same as saying, "Sure, I raped her, but at least I didn't kill her!" It's a sick mentality and distorted logic that allows this country to deteriorate from its lofty ideas and philosophies. By the standards that this country was founded on we are not even close to being Free, and yet people still blindly think they are free because that's what they are told to think. Everyone knows prisons do not deter crime, and yet no-one will even consider alternatives that have been proven to reduce criminal behavior (like education). Because we are repeatedly told that their is no other choice. Posted by: Joe

Thursday, March 04, 2004 ¶ 11:14 AM Well, I've started moving into a bigger apartment that takes up the entire main floor of the building I am in. My only worry about the move is that the police might get anal and decide they have to inform the community that I am moving, a whole 10 feet downstairs. One of the compelling reasons for moving downstairs instead of somewhere else now that I can afford a bigger place is the assumption that the police will not do a community notice because I am staying basically at the same address. The only change in address is from Apt 2 to Main. I'm going to start sending out the address change notices this week, but I won't be officially moved in until the end of the month. My cats are really going to like the move. Well this is the last week for weekday skiing, at least at the place I like to go near here. So, even though my arm is still sore from my last wipe out, I'm going to hit the slopes tonight with my new MP3 player that I bought so I could record notes about my location (so if the police ever accuse me of something I can establish my whereabouts) and listen to music on the same device (its a three in one MP3 player compact and easy to carry). This will be my last time on the slopes this year, but soon I should be able to start sky diving, that is going to be the ultimate addiction for me! I started to watch the "Night Stalker" movie last night about Ramirez. I didn't know what to think. I turned it off after the second murder, there didn't seem to be any sort of plot or direction, or if there was one it was week and superficial to the story. I don't know a lot about the Ramirez crimes, but I know they were socially motivated, not demonic. Posted by: Joe

Monday, March 01, 2004 Daily Torment ¶ 8:47 AM Just got back from Florida visiting my friend and his family. I had a lot of fun and I felt very welcomed by my friends family even though they know full well about my past. We Spent a day in Epcot Center at Disney World, that was a lot of fun. Then we drove to Tampa (where he lives) and I got to eat at some great local restaurants having terrific seafood. We also went to the Strawberry Festival which was a pretty big fair and also a lot of fun. I like traveling because I feel more "normal" because of the anonymity of being a traveler. For example, at the Tampa airport they called my name over the intercom to ask me if I wanted to switch to an emergency exit row seat, I did not cringe when they called my name the way I do when I am around where I live. In fact, when I got to Minneapolis to change planes and continue home, I immediately started feeling self conscious. At the gate where we were boarding for the last hop every time I saw someone looking at me I thought they recognized me (as a sex offender) because they might remember me from the police web site or newspapers. I don't know how the courts can pretend this law does not penalize sex offenders. It is a daily torment for me. Posted by: Joe

Monday, February 23, 2004 A Guru Once Said... ¶ 9:29 PM Without doubt the single largest threat to the safety and security of the average American citizen, is the American Government. It's primary occupation is to keep you from seeing this threat, by any means possible--and some that aren't.... Posted by: Joe ¶ 8:42 AM I ended up going skiing again for eight hours on Saturday. I had a lot of fun and improved quite a bit for a beginner. I can do the blue and most black runs easily now. But I hurt my arm at the end of the day Saturday after I had a "rummage sale" (a wipe out where I left my skis and poles scattered across the slope). It was a good wipe out and taught me a little needed respect for the potential to hurt yourself on the slopes. Posted by: Joe