Search for Missing Nutcase on hold due to Hurricane Wilma
Many strange sightings reported but unable to follow up
Joe Shmoe Reporting
October 24,2005 Updated 5:45pm cdt
A person of interest has been questioned and released. It was originally thought Themis had something to do with Magic's disappearance but we know no she is innocent. It appears the distraught, psycho has decided to attack oncoming Hurricane Wilma.
" I don't know why she is doing this to me." said Themis outside the Florida Police Department. "She always seemed so normal,guess you can never really know."
This reporter has documents proving this woman is whacked. She has rented a twin engine Cessna to fly her over the eye of Wilma. Then she is going to jump inside and try to destroy the Cat 2 hurricane before it hits Florida.
Police found the remains of her python that ate the alligator that ate the two tongued cat that ate her shoes. So she feels she has nothing left to live for. Especially since the Astro's choked yet a second time in the World Series.
If you see this woman RUN!! Do not try and apprehend her alone. She bites.
WeeklyWorldNews
Don't got milk
October 24,2005 Updated 10:40pm
Reported by Joe Shmoe
Friends and family of missing Magic made a special request. They asked the NMA, National Milk Association, to add her picture to milk cartons around Florida.
The family was shocked to here a flat out NO.
According to NMA spokesperson Moe Cowfield the picture of Ms. Wackjob was too frightening to the herd.
"When they saw her they soured and wonld only make cottage cheese." said Mr Cowfield.
The family said they will not give up, instead they are looking for a better picture.
In a related story the most popular halloween mask this year isn't George Bush but wackjob herself, Magic.
Not Telling
:D :D I am sure that her mask will be a definite hit with the crowds this year!!!!
With the strong hurr. winds she may have been blown out of state......
:lol:
That's true. Hmmmmmmmmmm maybe this should be a national alert or atleast expand the search area. Thanks kyldy i'm sure she is glad someone is looking out for her,since we aren't LOL!
There have been reports, belated I might add, that there was a ransom demand at some point. We have learned though, that the ransom requests came FROM the cat & snake reputedly in Magic's possession. Apparently her ongoing fight with sanity was quite honestly scaring the bejesus out of them. Communications with Magic, or rather her imposter (noone can tell them apart anyway, they are both pretty scary!! :shock: ) have led us to believe that the snake ate the cat and the snake ran away or something to that effect. Now we have learned that Magic, finding out about her supposedly beloved pets request for help, went through a diabolic fit of rage and completely obliterated both animals beyond recognition. This leads us to believe that Magic is quite insane and that perhaps her abduction was not a true occurence but rather a feeble attempt at attention. The administrators of this site , as well as people all over the country, offer our deepest sympathy to Magic's family for having to live with this cuckoo and our sincerest hope that she gets the best possible phsyciatric care possible, or at least electric shock treatments. Stay tuned for updates on this very confusing, but really amusing story. :lol:
Whackjob Located
Well it was fun while it lasted
November 1,2005 11:30 pm cst
Joe Shmoe Reporting
(Albuquerque) The missing Florida woman who has been gone for like ever was located today in New Mexico. Living under the assumed name of Deborah Hail,48 of Crazytown NM .
Coincidently she is also trying to sell a fully furnished house, with her included, on B eay. The ad appeared and authorities were alerted.
"Anyone that crazy has to be our nutcase." said Sheriff Tazz of Florida Law Enforcement Circus Performers Association. The only statement from the missing woman was"Darn that Bugs Bunny I followed his directions and took a left at Albuquerque and ended up here."
When this reporter alerted the woman's friends I was met with mixed reactions.
"Who??" said Themis a one time suspect in the disappearance.
"Oh yeah her, I was wondering why it was so quiet." said Gaia
Her boyfriend Chris could not be reached for comment he has moved to a remote area of Canada to live with the caribou and nature. Others refused to allow me to publish their reactions and threatened to sue if I did. Not to mention the fines we would have gotten from The FCC for language .
Authorities said they were sending a padded wagon to pick Magic up and bring her back to Florida. Just in time for the end of hurricane season. No other comments were made about the pets she had or why she left. Her Astro's hat was found ripped to shreds inside her alligator, that was in her python that burst.
So the search is over, all's well with the world. And I can finally get a real job instead of writing this crap.
Daily Hemorrhoid
Thanks for the warning!! Im changing the locks, cleaning the guns, hiding the Cheetos & Pepsi & I have the Florida Institute for Weirdly Crazy People Who Talk To Animals on speed dial!! I am prepared!! :shock:
Magic Found Again
With using the GPS device implanted in Magic's nose she has been located again. This time she is inside a mutant catfish. Authorities are not sure how to get her out yet. The most obvious way can't be printed on this site.
Doctors are working during their breaks to free the crazy florida woman. Animal rights protestors are fighting to save the fish. When asked what about the woman trapped inside they said "So."
Doctors examine the fish and discuss an enema to free trapped woman.
I say save the fish and the heck with the crazy lady!! Catfish is good eatin!! :twisted: Then again, with Magic trapped inside, the fish might have gone bad by now!! :lol: :lol:
It Ain't Her
November 6,2005
Doctors at Seaworld announced "It ain't her inside that thar catfish." Instead it was a pleasent suprise. A bouncing baby Magic!!
