More Tips for Keeping Kids Safe On-Line
Staying safe online: Know what your children are doing when they use the Web SAUK PRAIRIE/PORTAGE - Living in small-town America does not protect families from Internet dangers involving children. However, parents can take steps to prevent problems from developing. How it happens Many times the first question people have is: "How did the child allow this to happen?" said Marsha Gilmer-Tullis, director of the family advocacy division of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. "You'll sometimes find a lot of finger-pointing ... a lot of victim-blaming." That is entirely the wrong thing to ask, she said, because the kind of people who cast lures to children in Internet chat rooms are preying on the emotional needs and insecurities of the young people. When predators find someone they think they can successfully ensnare, they zero in and start to tell the potential victims everything they want to hear, Gilmer-Tullis said. They gain the young person's trust and progress from a "friendship" to something sexual. This "grooming" can take place over a long period of time � in the case alleged in Portage, the child had been communicating with the older man for several years. By the time an arrest is finally made in a child sex-abuse case, the young person is usually angry at the police and anyone else involved for ending the "relationship," which is often very surprising to authorities. "The reality is, that these young girls ... feel the very same kind of emotions we felt with an age-appropriate first boyfriend or girlfriend," she said. "The young person actually views themself as having a love relationship with that person." The child will tell themself that "they really do understand me, they know me, they know me like no one else ever has before," Gilmer-Tullis said. "And they're too young � much too young � to understand what's happening to them." Deja vu If proven true, the pattern of behavior alleged in the Portage case fits very closely to other cases all over the country. The relationship starts off innocently enough in a chat room (usually one appropriate for the age of the young person). The predator "trolls" the room looking for a child whom he or she can start a conversation with. Chats progress to e-mails, to phone calls and ultimately a face-to-face meeting. The only anomaly in the Portage case is the length of time over which the relationship took place, Gilmer-Tullis said. Kelly Kennedy, a spokesman for the Wisconsin attorney general's office, said the Wisconsin Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force sees things like this all the time. Agents will sit in chat rooms posing as a child and will be inundated with messages from other people almost immediately. "They've got predators on them in minutes," he said. A lot of times a young girl will know that starting a relationship with an older man is wrong, but will be flattered when a person who claims to be in high school or college gives her attention, said Sara Shaver, a marriage and family therapist at Aspen Family Counseling in Portage. "It still definitely is an ego boost," she said. "That, 'Wow, I've got this college-aged guy who's interested in me.' "Perpetrators are so good at doing that gradual baiting," she said, "that before you know it, you've really got yourself in a pretty sticky situation � and deadly situation." What can parents do? The most important thing to remember is that parents need to have an open, honest line of communication with their kids. "Keep that positive communication open," Kelly said. "The Internet is really an exciting thing for kids ... but it's also very dangerous." When chatting online, or browsing the Internet, children should feel confident and safe enough to share and talk about bad experiences they have online as soon as they happen. "(Children) should tell a parent if they see anything that makes them scared, or uncomfortable, or confused," he said. Keep an eye out for the warning signs, things like the child spending an inordinate amount of time online, or at very late hours, when the chances of the person on the other side of the conversation being a youngster are minimal, Kelly said. Other signs include the child being secretive about online conversations, receiving phone calls from older-sounding people the parents don't know, or if they start walking around with expensive items the parents don't remember buying them. Parents should also take the time to learn the abbreviated language of Internet chat rooms that kids use. A good way to do all these things is to keep the computer in an open area of the home where it is easily seen. The same way a parent tells a child not to open the door for strangers, they should teach their children not to be careless on the Internet. "When you prepare them for the real world, prepare them for the online world as well," Kelly said. Signs that your child may be at risk online • Your child spends large amounts of time online, especially at night. • You find pornography on your child's computer. • Your child receives telephone calls from men or women you don't know or is making calls, sometimes long distance, to numbers you do not recognize. • Your child receives mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don't know. • Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen on the monitor when you come into the room. • Your child becomes withdrawn from the family. • Your child is using an online account belonging to someone else. http://www.wiscnews.com/spe/news/index.php?ntid=68419&ntpid=2