Tearful tribute to loved ones who vanished
Families share grief, offer support at annual Missing Persons Day
By MICHELE MORGAN BOLTON, Staff writer
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First published: Monday, April 3, 2006
ALBANY-- June 27, 2000, dawned like any other day for John Bish.
It was a Tuesday.
And his 16-year-old daughter Molly was working as a lifeguard at a Warren, Mass., pond.
But then the vibrant, blond dancer and soccer player vanished.
And life as he knew it was gone.
``When I kissed Molly before leaving for work, I didn't know I was saying goodbye,'' Bish said Sunday, during a ceremony for missing people.
Grieving friends and family members marked the absence of their loved ones with candles, roses and tears in a wrenching ceremony in the theater of the New York State Museum.
John Bish and his wife, Magi, spoke Sunday during the fifth annual Missing Persons Day in Albany. The ceremony was organized by another set of grieving parents.
Doug and Mary Lyall's daughter, Suzanne, disappeared eight years ago.
She was last seen leaving a CDTA bus at Collins Circle on the University at Albany Uptown Campus.
``Losing a child is the most tragic event a family can endure,'' Bish said. ``Because they become your very breath of life.''
For his family, hope died three years after Molly disappeared, when her skeletal remains were found just a few miles from their Warren, Mass., home.
``Molly came home, bone by bone,'' Magi said. ``First a shin. Then her skull. And then her ribs. There were 26 bones in all.''
``What mother holds her daughter's skull, because of a madman?''
Sunday's event was a byproduct of the Lyall's foundation, The Center for Hope, which began in the family room of their Saratoga County home and has now grown into office space in the Chocolate Factory in Ballston Spa.
They offer support for others coping with devastating loss, while advocating for change, like the ``Assault and Abduction Free School Zone'' law pending in the state Assembly.
Nearly 4,000 people are missing in New York state and more than 90,000 around the country.
The couple is hoping to launch a National Missing Persons Day and a National Campus Security Act.
All efforts have the same goal, Doug Lyall said: ``So others can understand the uniqueness of what is described as an ambiguous loss. ... When you are in the twilight zone between fate and possibility.''
Suzanne was a poet and philosopher, her mother said. And some of her thoughts were prophetic.
``Crisis acts as a catalyst for change,'' the young woman once wrote.
``And sometimes,'' her mother agreed, ``we get hurt, in order to grow.''
Sunday's event was emceed by Assembly Minority Leader James Tedisco, who worked closely with Albany Mayor Jerry Jennings and the Lyall family on the Missing Person Remembrance monument.
Ground will be broken Thursday on Suzanne Lyall's birthday near the corner of South Swan Street and Madison Avenue.
The 20-foot-tall stainless steel columns will stand on the highest elevation on museum grounds. An eternal flame will burn at the top while a granite base below will be etched with the words, ``May it light their way home.''
A number of state and law enforcement officials attended Sunday's event, including Albany County District Attorney David Soares and his Rensselaer County counterpart, Patricia DeAngelis.
``I really believe that God does not give us things we can't handle,'' said DeAngelis, who is an ardent victims' advocate. ``I can't tell you why this happened ... but I hope someday Suzanne can walk through the door and tell you.''
The Lyalls gave their foundation's annual Hope Award to Chauncey G. Parker, the state's director of criminal justice.
``Twelve years ago, we were one of the most dangerous states in America,'' Parker said. ``Now we are one of the safest, and the reason is because of people like you.''
One by one, in a room hushed by sobs, bereaved family members stood when called and placed a photo of their loved one on a memory board.
Many wore T-shirts displaying the happy faces and contented smiles of the missing -- in happier times.
There was Craig Frear, 17, who was about to become co-captain of the Scotia-Glenville High School soccer team when he vanished June 27, 2004.
And Ivory Green, also 17, who disappeared from Utica March 13, 2004.
Lorne Boulet Jr., 23, of Chichester, N.H., left for a walk on July 29, 2001, and never returned.
During an invocation, Lyall's sister, Sandy, said survivors need to spend time with others who live every day with the unbearable pain and hope, devastating loneliness and shock of the unknown.
``Our guilt is what we did, and did not do, to protect our Molly,'' John Bish admitted. ``It moves like a shadow between us.''
All relatives of missing and murdered people are now different, he said: ``We can't change what happened, but we can prevent it if we all do something. Anything.''
Magi Bish believes there is light to be found, even when the dark paralysis of grief and loss rendered every waking minute a struggle.
She loved cheering Molly on to score goals in soccer. And how beautiful her daughter looked -- and felt -- in her white prom dress.
These days, she said, she imagines Molly dancing on a star when she gazes into the night sky.
``It's love that keeps you looking and believing for as long as you do,'' she said. ``We hold their memories like they are glass slippers. And we remember that love is forever.''
Michele Morgan Bolton can be reached at 434-2403 or by e-mail at
mbolton@timesunion.com.
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