The Dangers of Strangers
The dangers of strangers By KATE CONWAY CONTRIBUTING WRITER Erin has been teaching her daughter, 4-year-old McKayla, about strangers for quite some time. And although McKayla remembers Erin's teachings, they don't seem to worry the preschooler. In this demonstration, 4-year-old McKayla holds onto her mother, Erin's, leg, which guarantees the little girl will stay close by when they're in a parking lot. (Staff photo by Kevin Mingora) ''I will take her to the mall and she will say 'Hi' to everyone,'' Erin says. ''She will even tell complete strangers her name and phone number!'' In an attempt to make her daughter understand the potential danger in strangers, Erin has begun telling her that someone could take her, and Mom and Dad would never see her again. ''I will explain all of this and she still opens the door to our home when someone knocks or wanders off in a store,'' says the frustrated mother. ''The only 100 percent sure way of keeping your child safe is to never take your eyes off them,'' says Sgt. Michael Nurse of the Sandwich Police Department, who taught a ''stranger danger'' course to Sandwich schoolchildren for many years. Because watching one's child all the time is nearly impossible, he says, open communication is key to trying to keep a child safe. As a result of McKayla's fearless and outgoing nature, Erin confines her daughter when they are out in public. ''She has to be in a cart, holding my hand, or grabbing my leg,'' says the mother. But she realizes that the older McKayla gets, the less feasible these tactics will be. She and her husband talk to their daughter repeatedly and read her books on the subject, trying to walk the fine line between scaring her and warning her. ''Don't ever think you can just say it once and think they get it,'' Erin says. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a child is missing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immediate action is key to finding a lost child: If the child was at home, search everywhere in the house, including the clothes dryer, trunks and cars. If the child isn't found, call the police right away. If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security officer and the local police. Provide the police with the child's name, date of birth, height, weight and any unique characteristics (such as eyeglasses, braces, a scar). Tell the police when the child went missing and what he or she was wearing. Request that your child immediately be entered into the National Crime Information Center Missing Person File. Call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children at 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). Source: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Communication is considered just as vital an aspect in protecting one's children as supervision, Nurse says. ''You must know all aspects of your child's life, from where they are to who they are with at any given time.'' The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children recommends making sure children know their name, address and telephone number and talking to them about such topics as: whose homes they can visit; where they can go in the neighborhood; never approach-ing a vehicle alone; and not opening the door to strangers, especially if they're home alone. Hilary knows that ''there is no absolute way to protect your kids, which is frightening,'' but believes the best way to protect her 7-year-old son, Cameron, is to talk to him often and openly. She talks with Cameron about his school day, play dates, and daily life, so she is able to assess any red flags. His mood, she says, is just as important as what he says. ''You have got to have a good relationship with your child if you want to have good communication.'' Although 56,500 children reported missing in 1999 - the most recent figures available through the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children - were abducted by someone they knew, an estimated 12,100 children were taken by nonfamily members. Massachusetts has classified more than 1,000 people as Level 3 sex offenders (the most dangerous ranking) and about 5,000 Level 2 offenders. The state sex offender registry can be searched by town at www.mass.gov/sorb, and current figures show 227 Level 2 offenders and 35 Level 3 offenders living on Cape Cod and the Islands. Neighborhood vigilance While danger can lurk anywhere, Nurse says bus stops and the journey back and forth from a child's home can be prime hunting ground for child predators. Parents should make every effort to walk their children to and from bus stops or school, Nurse says. When that's not possible, trading off with other parents can work well. ''Community bus stops, where several children get on the bus together, should always have at least one parent present,'' Nurse says. Parents can alert each other about any concerns and suspicions, and Nurse encourages them to alert the police as well. ''If you see something that just doesn't seem right to you, call us,'' he stresses. ''If you see a car at the bus stop every day, but it never picks up a kid and you are uncomfortable, call us.'' Hilary tries to stay observant about her neighborhood. ''There are many homes for sale in my area, so there are many strange cars and people around,'' says the mother of two. ''I am always looking out the window to see who drove by and what they are doing, especially when my son or daughter is outside.'' As vigilant as parents are, there is still the possibility of children disappearing under watchful gazes. Losing a child in a crowded public place sends chills through a parent. Nurse advises immediate action. ''The instant you realize your child is missing, seek help - a security guard, the police,'' says Nurse, saying there is a better chance of finding a child the more quickly the search starts. Children should be told that if they get lost, they should immediately seek out a cashier of the nearest store. ''Most children know who a cashier is, whereas finding a security guard or policeman can cause them to wander,'' he says. A child's view Cameron has his own ideas on how to handle being lost. ''If I got lost, I would stay right where I was and not move so mom could find me,'' he says, adding that he would not ask for help because he wouldn't know anybody. His answer seemed to surprise his mother, who has taught her children what to do in such situations. Indeed, Cameron says he wouldn't talk to strangers or go with them, but when asked if he would go with his teacher or the librarian (familiar faces), he says, ''No,'' but for a rational reason. ''I wouldn't go with my teacher because she might not know where I live.'' Cameron applies the same logic to a list of familiar faces, including police officers. When asked if he would go with someone who knew his name, he again uses the criterion of the person not knowing where he lived. Prompted by his mother, he seems to remember that he was supposed to ask the person for a password, ''... and if they don't know it, I don't go with them.'' Asked what he would do then, Cameron says he would just wait there. Cameron, like many children, views the world in concrete terms. Parents must go over every aspect with a child of how to respond in a particular situation, experts say. Children will not automatically link the fact that someone who wants to give them a ride but doesn't know their ''password'' could be dangerous. ''Passwords are a great tool for parents and children,'' Nurse says. ''Not only are they kind of cool for the child, but they are that safety switch when a parent isn't there.'' He adds that passwords need to be changed once in a while and that children need to learn to run away from people if they can't give a child a password. Build self-esteem Another topic stressed by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and taught through the Sandwich ''stranger danger'' course is that you can say ''no'' and stand up for yourself. ''Self-esteem was a huge part of the course,'' Nurse says. ''We wanted children to be able to say, 'This doesn't feel right to me, and I don't have to do it.''' Nurse also adds that children should fight as hard as they can and yell as loudly as they can if they are grabbed or uncomfortable. For his own training, he has viewed a video surveillance tape that shows a little girl being led to a car by a man who was kidnapping her. ''She was calm and quiet holding his hand,'' Nurse says. ''If she had made a huge scene, she probably would have been rescued. Always tell your children to fight a stranger - go completely nuts.'' http://www.capecodonline.com/cctimes/strangers19.htm